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Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Short Tutorial - What A to Z means to Bengalis

A is for Awpheesh. (as in Office).This is where the average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke the 7th unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for 5th cup of tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time....Bhishon Bhalo and Bibhotso.... though means opposite ...used for same situations.. .depending on the Beauty of fairer sex...are close ...almost in a tie for second spot....

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na ghumoley ebar Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times....as creations of God himself !!

E is for Eeeeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good Name (as in .. “so what eej is your good name?”). Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girl will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, et cetera.

H is for Harmonium. This is the Bengali equivalent of a rockstar’s guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for Ileesh. This is a feeesh with 10,987 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self-respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' with mysterious condiments.. . as in Maachher Jhol is a close second. Jhaamela and Jachhetai are distant 3rd and 4th

K is for Kee Kaando! It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai. Kee mushkil is a close second.

L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt Everest.

M is for Minibaas. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are MohanBagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Qoshchen (question) as in "Mamatadi Qoshchens Cheap Ministaar in Writaars Buiding."

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Roshogolla' comes a close second!

S is for Shourov. (as in Saurav) Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer, (that too a captain) Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk....Trams are still existing in Paris too.......you see !

U is for (A)Umbrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.

V is for Vhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1939.

W is for Waatar. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur)?. It is also for Jubraj Shingh and Joga.

Z is for Jebra, Joo, and Jipper.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Love Note…in C Minor

.r{}
#include
#include
#include
#include
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf(”100%” ,&ladies);
if(lady ==Cute)
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf(”I Love U”);
scanf(”100%” ,&reply);
}
if(reply == “GAALI”)
main(); .r{}
else if(reply == “SANDAL “)
exit(1);
else if(reply == “I Love U”)
{
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc( sizeof(lover) );
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college) ;
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;
}
}

P.S: This is not my original stuff….came across this nice poem in an email…felt it’s interesting enough to publish…

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Making sense out of Soracle....or is it OraSun?

Now that the world has got their bit of IT news bytes (Oracle to buy out Sun @ 7.4 B USD), let me try to make some sense out of the deal...

Why is Oracle suddenly interested in Sun (specially when they went that road halfway in 2003/4)? Though the world is directing the pointer to IBM, I have a suspicion that Oracle is gonna use Sun to fight Microsoft in a more strategic direction..

For Oracle the biggest assets from Sun would be Java and OpenOffice. Owning the future directions of Java (ya I know its in the Open world but even Open Source directions can be controlled by the biggies..look at Eclipse and IBM) gives Oracle a direct way of competing with Microsoft (with the .Net world). Also Oracle would have a great business proposition when they drive the Fusion road map (and internally build Fusion components on Java and XML). Obviously Oracle has a few tools (e.g: BAM) which are non Java based but we can safely say that these are just outliers which would be removed in medium term.

With OpenOffice, Oracle can play the biggest attack on Microsoft. MS is directly integrating MS Office to its ERP (Dynamics) components (e.g: MS CRM has a tight integration and UI look and feel of an MS Office tool). Oracle can integrate OpenOffice to its ERP components (Fusion Architecture comes to play but in a much tighter coupling) and provide a huge value add to its customers.

Where does this leave SAP and IBM vis-a-vis Oracle. I think Oracle will build a ref architecture using SUN Solaris and StorgeTek and also build Sun's cloud infra to build the next generation data center and SAAS offerings.
Obviously SAP would be looking very closely at the SAAS story and IBM would look at the NGDC.

The biggest loser in this deal would be MySQL and Sun's MW Tools (including GlassFish). Forget Netbeans and SPARC too (Though SPARC and some other HW divisions can be spun off to other parties). Another interesting option in the HW world would be Appliancees (Application bundled with standard Hadrware). A few gurus have already started chanting the AOA word (Appliance Oriented Architecture). Not surprisingly Oracle seems to be in a great position to drive the AOA future!

Seems Oracle is all set for the next round of the battle...It's FIRE...READY...AIM time again (apologies to Tom Peters)...beware HP...IBM...Microsoft (isn't it ironical that you can skip to mention SAP in this?.Oracle has surely progressed from a focused SAP fight to a much wider strategic direction of IT mindshare)

May we all live in exciting times!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Our Tripadvisor Map

For last few days we were busy creating our own travel map in http://www.tripadvisor.in/. Over the last 5 years we have traveled to so many places and it was nice to create a map of these visits.
The map provided below is a snapshot and we will keep updating it as and when we visit new places.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

4 Movies to Dazzle Your Lazy Summer Holidays

It’s a boring Summer. Nothing is Up in life? Too much hype about Elections leaving you cold ? Irritated by the IPL Cricket Mafia ? No new Movies @ the multiplexes? And you are bored of these Books .The Sensex is hiccupping every time we watch Left leaders in TV.

Even the TV is of no use when you are dieing of boredom on another lazy drizzling weekend holiday (190 channels and nothing to watch). So who can save your day from being a horrible on ?

Trust my old faithful Hollywood to lighten your anyday anytime with its dose of “movies , masti and magic”. Just in case you think it’s a good idea and want to get a DVD/VCD but cannot decide on some truly lovely movies which both you and your family can enjoy, here’s my potion of 4 ?Mini Gem? of movies (None are Block Busters and none have BIIIG Stars). If you are a movie lover you will love each one of these ?and for unique reason..

So go on and enjoy the world of my movies guaranteed to metamorphose the dull rainy day to one full of sunshine (in your heart) and rainbow (in your smile).

1) Gattaca:

Lets call this movie a "Fantastic Fantasy". I hate routine sci-fi movies unless they showcase human spirit and emotions. This movie startled and amazed me with its imagery and novel script merged with fantastic story telling. You have to learn the art of 'willing suspension of disbelief' to start with. Imagine a not-too-distant future, when DNA engineering makes perfect children to be born.

All natural born imperfect individuals (termed 'Invalids'.) are socially stigmatized, ostracized and differentiated against. In this realm the hero Vincent is born and Invalid -he struggles to grow up in the shadow of his 'Valid' brother , but nurtures only one passion - to break the rules and go on a space voyage (Reserved for 'Valids'). The rest is a saga of this methodically mad rebel who does incredible things to achieve his aim. (He is suspected of murder and even swaps identities with Jude Law ? Jerome-, a genetically elite fellow made paraplegic in an accident). Watch the movie for the story and suspense or just relish the stinging satire of writer-director Andrew Niccol against the world of genetics.

2) The Usual Suspects:

I personally believe that 'The Usual Suspects' along with 'Reservoir Dogs' are the most fascinating crime thrillers of our generation (Classics if you ask me). In between them, I rank The Usual Suspects higher because it has amazing performances from low profile actors like Gabriel Bryne and Kevin Spacey going hand-in-hand with a taut and tense screenplay. The movie by Bryan Singer is a labyrinthine drama pivoted on five career criminals who meet after being rounded up for a standard police line-up.

Upon their release, the men band together to pull off an intricate heist involving $3 million worth of emeralds. Their success brings them to the attention of the enigmatic Keyser Soze, an unseen, nefarious, and mythic underworld crime figure who coerces them into pulling off an important and highly dangerous job. The suspense starts when one by one each of them die in this job. Kevin Spacey plays a physically handicapped member who is the only one who is alive. And he narrates the whole story in a flashback to the cops. Watch it for the twist in the tail (oops ..Tale) and whatever you do?watch the last 5 minutes very very very minutely. Otherwise you will end up never understanding the beauty of the plot.

3) Groundhog Day

Imagine! It's 6th July. You have just spent a hell of a day at office. Your application failed to move to production. You got a harsh drubbing from your customer, your girlfriend walked out on you and added to it , India lost Asia Cup final to Pakistan by 10 wickets. So you curse everyone and pack of to sleep. You wake up next day ..go to freshen up and the watch says its again 6th July. You live that day again ? as a repeated chain of events for you but for everyone else it is as if the day is a new one. And the hell continues everyday after that.

What would you do? Pinch yourself to see if ur dreaming?. Cry out aloud? Scream? Try suicide? ..or look at it as an opportunity to live each day better again and again to resolve all your mistakes ..to improve each day slowly and slowly till it achieves perfection.

That’s Groundhog Day! The most quirky yet innovative movie I have ever seen. The hero (A TV Reporter - an amazing Bill Murray) is thrown into a time warp where he is forced to live the same day over and over until he gets it right -- and learns to appreciate life’s blessings in the process. He changes to a altruist and changes everyone’s life around. Eventually, a romance blossoms between Murray’s reformed cynic and his Boss (Andie MacDowell), who was initially repelled by his priggishness.
It’s the story of the indomitable human spirit that can overcome any hopeless situation to make it worthwhile.

4) The Truth About Cats And Dogs
This is my personal favorite since it was one of the first movies that built the concept of “virtual world” love (loving a person whom you have not met or seen just for her feelings and emotions and thoughts).
Janeane Garofalo plays Dr. Abby, a radio show host who unwittingly entices a listener over the radio with her soothing voice and personality. This listener, Brian, tries to meet the Abby from the radio, but Noelle (Uma Thurman - a gorgeous, tall and stunning blonde a Model and friend of Abby), is mistaken for the real thing when Brian comes to the studio.

Instead of clearing things up right away, the self-conscious Abby allows her best friend, Noelle, to take her place for a while. Abby takes on the made-up persona of Donna, while thinking Brian would never go for her, a short, cute, brunette, who thinks she’s unattractive. As the real Abby woos Brian over the phone and radio, Noelle, the pseudo-Abby, takes her place in the flesh. As time goes on, Abby feels more and more confident that Brian would rather have the beautiful Noelle than the simply attractive Abby. What happens next? Watch it for yourselves.

It’s a simple movie redefining what Love is ? Looking at an imperfect person in a perfect way and it will make you cozy up on the sofa and look at your “special one” with those moist dreamy eyes, which have always made your world the best to live on.

Here you are with the best medicine for bad mood and laziness? Just get up and rent these from your local VCD Wallah and you won’t lament the decision. That’s a promise!!

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

Hello jeeeee ..... my signature greeting, still people whom I've not talked in last 4 yrs can recognize me with these two words ... :) and I wud really love to be remembered by these words... khair kya faltu ki baatein likh rahi hoon .... ye blog maine create kiya hai so that i can keep a watch on what i did yesterday (basically to keep an eye on myself so that i don't indulge in eating chocolates ....
i always wanted to write a diary, as all the "intellectual" people say u shud but never got the time and god only knows how long will I be able to write this blog though i'm a very dedicated internet person .... and btw i wanted to do many more things but still haven't got the courage(like bungee jumping) or better to say the urge(like horse ridding) to really pursue them .....

and yes u got it right, since i'm discussing all my desires and wishes in this blog i've given it the name "Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi" one of my all time fav. song .... though i've lots of fav. songs but yaar ek blog me sab likh dungi to next time hee alvida kehna pad jayega .... so if you want to know more about me .... "Stay Tuned. I'll be back After the Break" :)

A Morning to start..with Neruda at heart

This is one of my Favorites from Pablo Neruda's poems...Thought it would a good way to start the day

I do not love you...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.


I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

For the poet in your heart....

This one is from someone called Bridget Walsh (read this somewhere in the www)...for all the aspiring poets (and those who asprired one day and have lost the soul in the forest of life)...a simple primer on the pleasure and pain of writing a poem

Creating a poem is difficult
Like anything worthwhile is
A new mother holds the result of her labour
In her arms as sweat cascades down her face
It is indefinitely worth the work, or so I have heard

Thinking is dangerous
Maybe I should stop
Humans only actively use ten percent of their total brain capacity
But despite the odds curiosity always gets me in the end
Just like the cat (how else did you think it died?)

This collaboration of my thoughts just may
Led to what some consider poetry
No rocket science here
Just three pounds of raw thought
Pensive, perplexed with a changing world

Too many comparisons based on entertainment
Everyone strives to be the social bufferfly
Replacing morals, Nintendo 64 and 275 cable channels become the new standard
Be an individual you say?
But that would require scrapping my pancake mind off the television
Perhaps moulding it into a into something 3-D
Something with substance

No prior recipe for success
No assured blue-print to happiness
I am the path cutter, the trendsetter, the future
I am important; or so they say
Yet what I think about world politics does not matter
Knowing you know that you know, can drive a person to the edge of insanity
When others are blind to everything but color

Stimulating, invigorating, intoxicating
Poetry is the air I drink
Life is the inspiration behind it
Here is my brain, an empty slate
Inspire me!

5 Must Reads...Before You Die

They say there is a Novel inside all of us waiting to take birth someday... Everybody dreams about it through a protagonist (like a mirror to themselves) and look at the world through their eyes...Everyone writes a story ...a hundred times in their minds..(and only some of them see the light of the publishers day..but then thats a separate story)
As for me..I have a story too..But I don’t know how old would I be before I could write it...Someday...Someway..I will...I hope.Till then I will read..if not write.Thats my promise to myself.Yes I am a voracious reader...and as my friends will vouch for, I have a very bad habit of begging, borrowing and stealing books ( I steal only when denied).
But what if I was to select my favorite 5 books? Books which I would give my life for..Books which will fill my cloudy sundays full of sunshine...tough to think of...but then as Rahul’s email signature sometime used to say ’’When the going gets tough the tough get going’’..so here I am ..trying to figure out the best 5 books I ever read -
1) Whats the name of this Book - by Raymond Smullyan - If I have ever got a good thing from my roommate, its a sneak peak to this wonderfully provocative and insanely intelligent book on paradoxes and puzzles which can open the brains of a even a certified moron to the zanny world of Logic. Believe me ..just the first page of the book can hook you for a lifetime.
2) The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy - Thanks Subbu for introducing me to Mr Douglas Adams . I have never ever felt like being taken for such a roller coaster ride - thru a world of imagination and satire...I bet you would never have thought of the universe and our green planet with such an eye .Pure 22 carat gold. Go for the Omnibus version which contains 5 volumes in 1.
3) The Alchemist - I always wondered how could a 100 page book make you think so much and feel so much. I have a bad habit of underlining lines in my books and when I ended this one...almost the whole book had pencil lines below it.I will never ever read any other book by Paulho Coelho ( It wont satisfy my expectations)
4) India Unbound - Some books change the world ( Das Capital)..some change civilizations (Arthashastra)..some make heroes ..But there is only one book which can make all the bunch of pessimistic indians of the universe change themselves and their view of their ’’wretched ’’ country called India and start believing in it .
5) You Must Be Joking Mr Feynman - If you hated the damn physicists you’ll love it....If you are crazy about physics you’ll love it..If you never knew the difference between physicists and physicians , you’ll love it...if you were the science topper in school you’ll love it...need I say more? - Summary : Richard Feynman makes his story the funniest one I have ever read which involved science...apart from those horrible science projects in school from which we used to copy every year.
So there they are..Be sure that you have read atleast 3 of them before you die..or else you won’t get entry pass to heaven